Snake

To know me is to know that I am one of ten people in the world that has beaten Snake. I did it on a really small Nokia and found a website that chronicled those that achieved the feat. The number of people who beat Snake may actually be less than ten, because my buddy Hot Tub photoshopped a perfect score and had it posted on the site. I quickly informed the webmaster that the integrity of the site had been compromised. I can't find the site anymore, unfortunately.

I was also really really good at Sticky Bear Basket Bounce. And Mario Kart for the Super NES. It's hard to say just how good I was at these games. I'm reluctant to say that I was the best at each, but for all I know there might have been some kid in Japan who was even better. I'd doubt it though.

What was the name of that show?

Where one of the kid's names was "Boner." I think that's absolutely hilarious that a main character in a tv show was named Boner.

Man Bands

I used to look like Lance Bass. For a long time, I definitely embraced the semblance. N'Sync, while exponentially lame, was pretty popular with the ladies. And why not, really? They danced well, sang like little cherubs, wore sparkly outfits, and frosted their lettuce. N'Sync was definitely the best of the Man Bands - far better than the Backstreet Men, 98 Degrees, O-Town, and whatever else was out there. Point is, I looked like a guy that while I may not have respected at the time, women did. So that wasn't a bad thing.

Then things got even better. Lance was going to go into space. He was in the news, he was going to fork over about 20 Mil to ride around in space and he was going to have his own reality show surrounding the nebulous adventure. I was pumped. I was feeling Lance. I realized that Lance and I actually had a lot in common. We liked dancing, we liked making our hair look pretty, we liked dressing up in sparkly shirts, we liked the prospect of exploring space. I also thought we both liked to score chicks.

Then the institute of Lance came crashing down all around me. He never had the squiduch to zip around space and what begonst. Lance had let us all down, and by association, I felt as though I had let the same people down.

Anyways, we know how the story unfolds. Lance likes dudes, apparently.

Thankfully, I don't look like him anymore.