Spree

OK, this is something that is really important to me. There are three gripes I have in relation to those who don't respect the awesomeness of Spree.

1. Why is it so god damned hard to find Spree? Spree, as you are all aware, is the best candy ever. While all candy in roll form is delicious, Spree is the dominant species in this phylum. So Spree is made by Wonka, which seems to be one of the bigger, if not biggest distributer of candystuffs. If that's the case, why wouldn't they distribute it to all stores? Why don't all 7-11's carry Spree? Wouldn't you be so inclined as to distribute your best selling product to the widest audience possible?

2. Chewy Spree is not Spree. Chewy Spree sucks, whereas Spree is beyond awesome. And who the hell decided that Spree needed a worse version of the original? It's like if someone decided to remake Face/Off and instead of Nick Cage and John Travolta, they cast Ashton Kutchner and Paul Giamatti in the lead roles. Nothing infuriates me more than a store that carrys Chewy Spree and not Spree.

3. There is an etiquette to eating Spree. Here is a gap in logic. I love Betsy. I love Spree. Betsy + Spree doesn't equal more love however, but constant anguish. Betsy does not respect the power of Spree, nor the etiquette of consumption. For starters, you never unwrap more than one spree at a time. That's part of the beauty of candy in roll form. Unlike Starbursts, the Spree come in random order and that's just exhilerating. Secondly, that leads to selective and premature extinction of favored colors such as Red, Green, and sometimes Purple.

The only exception to this rule is that your first Spree should not be a red or green, even if that is the first Spree out of the wrapper. Your pallette simply is not ready for the delicious tangy goodness that is Spree. You need to work up to the ecstacy of a Green or Red. Trust me, take your time and enjoy the Spree. Understand the progression of flavors before the ultimate climax of a Purple, Red, Green combo. You can't appreciate the inherent greatness of such successive flavors until you have set a "control" flavor on your tongue. I recommend the first Spree being Yellow or Orange, but I will also accept Purple. Should you be lucky enough to pull a Red or Green on your initial tear, put these aside and save them for as long as you can. I like to pull out these "reserves" when I go on a dry spell of successive Yellows and Oranges.

I like Spree.