Good old days

Remember back in the good old days when you could call someone's cell phone and after four rings, the recorded voice of the person you were trying to reach would leave brief instructions and then there would be a beep and then you would talk and then you would hang up?

Now that same cell phone rings four times, the recorded voice of the person you were trying to reach would leave brief instructions and then some really annoying cell phone bitch gets on the line and starts talking really slowly and deliberately about all the great options the caller has. The caller can press five to page the recipient, the caller can press nine for other options, or in the event that you have never left a voice message for anyone before, ever, in your life, or perhaps you just forgot the protocol of leaving a message and needed a quick referesher, well, then you're in luck. The same voice instructs you that in order to leave a message, you must first wait for the tone, and then you speak. Wait, that's not all. When you're finished talking you can either hang up (shocking) or press some other stupid number for a much longer list of even more stupid options.

This inane instruction directive adds about sixty seconds to the process of leaving a message. I'd like you to go back and think about how many voice messages you've ever left for someone's cell phones. Now multiply that by one. Now divide that by 247. That's how many times you theoretically could have watched Jurassic Park in lieu of receiving instructions on how to leave a voice mail.