Deletions

My wife, being my wife, has the ability to select items for deletion. This often results in fewer jerseys and other items of clothing that have not been worn in several years, despite my protestations of affinity for said articles of clothing. The ability to select items for deletion has extended to my blog. Regular viewers of the blog may have had the brief opportunity to be enlightened on my opinions re side boob. I side with the pro-side boob camp, in case you were wondering.

Salty

The only thing worse than posting as Anonymous is posting as Patttttt when you are not Patttttt. I will not tolerate those passing themselves off as the real Big Cat.

Big Cat

I basically have two nicknames, one of which of course being Patttttt. It's spelled like it sounds, with six t's. It can be abbreviated, if needed, with only three t's, but be careful to insert the period at the end so as to reduce confusion. Much like St. is the abbreviation for Street, Pattt. is the abbreviation for Patttttt.

Anyways, my other, perhaps more common nickname is Big Cat. It's a cool nickname and I'm fortunate to have it. It's also cool en espanol - El Gato Grande. It suits me well, no doubt about it. There are rumors going around that I gave myself the nickname, but I'm here to dispel these nasty whispers of jealosy and set the record straight. People have called me Big Cat for years, and it dates back to grade school, when my peers were consistently amazed with my quick, cat-like reflexes. The nickname was bestowed upon me, in reverence to Andre "Big Cat" Gallaraga.

I really hope I don't drive over a Mexican

I really hope I don't drive over a Mexican. I've come close on many occasions. I consider myself lucky that I live close enough to my job in downtown that I don't have to travel on the highway. I basically take 6th street west and then cut down to Olympic, where there are three lanes and the lights are timed. Unfortunately, getting down to Olympic is very difficult, as I must navigate what is likely the most densely Mexican-based pedestrian populated sections in the world. There are several crosswalks, which I am always prepared to stop at just in case someone jumps out into the street. However, most of the Mexicans don't like crosswalks, or waiting for safe opportunities to cross the street. Most of the people in this area sprint across the middle of the street, relying on the cars to adjust their speed and course of direction appropriately to avoid collision. I tend to leave work late, and the darkness does not lend itself to easy detection of sprinting Mexicans. Man, I really hope I don't drive over a Mexican.

Just to clarify, and for the sake of being politically correct, I also hope I don't drive over white people, black people, native americans, jews, and Canadiens. Everyone, basically, except for Yankee fans.

Status Re: "Status Re:"

When questioning updates concerning certain issues, I believe professional etiquette dictates the phrasing of such update with "status re:". It is concise, to the point, and adds a bit of formality to what would otherwise be a disintigratingly casual conversation.

Here is a simple scenario. I come home. Dinner is not ready. I can pose the following questions:

1. What's the latest update concerning the readiness of my dinner?
2. How are things coming along with dinner tonight?
3. When might I anticipate dinner being provided?
4. Status re: dinner.

Clearly, the fourth option is the most succinct, and is less likely to be met with an elongated response full of excuses. When the question is posed with such careful selection of words, it will often be met with a thoughtful, equally succinct response, thus cutting to the chase and giving me my damn answer without a lot of fluffery in between.

There are some that think saying "status re:" aloud is a weird way to communicate. I assure you it is not weird in any way. If it is something you would write, it should be something you can say. Similarly, I condone all sorts of instant messaging acronyms. Insert "LOL" in place of actual laughter, or if someone said something entirely funny, you could skip the arduous task of rolling on the floor by inserting "ROTFLMAO". The person who said the hilarious quip is perfectly satisfied with the uproarious response, while you save yourself from getting dirty and getting your clothes all wrinkled. Don't know something? IDK. Not sure, but think it may be re: your good friend Jill? IDK, my BFF Jill?

The Stache

I've noticed a disturbing trend in the recent hirings of head coaches in the NFL. Where are their moustaches? Used to be you couldn't get that job without a decent moustache. Now everyone seems to be hiring young dudes sans sweet staches.

When I was unemployed for a bit in Boston, I went without shaving for a little over a week. Then I shaved everything but the stache. It was kind of an abject failure, but I was all the better for trying. I thought I'd be able to keep the stache for a while longer, letting it fill out a bit, but the Zet refused to touch me until I shaved the stache. I'm usually a man of strong will, but I caved pretty quickly.

Legality

Need some help here.

1. Is it legal to turn left from a one way street unto another one way street?

2. Is it legal for a bum to push the walk signal even though nobody is going to use the crosswalk, for the sole purpose of extracting hard earned funds from suckers who now have to wait longer to turn left unto said one way street?

3. Is it legal for me to wish aforementioned bum meets an accelerated demise, errr, finds a new corner to harass other hard working commuters trying to get home in time to get a decent meal before picking out their shirt/tie combinations before rushing off to bed to get a good night's sleep so they can get back to the office and earn a good living by working hard who happen to not be me?

To clarify, this left hand turn in question has a criminally short green light after 7:30 when the pedestrian walk signal is pushed. It's not that I just hate bums, I really do hate missing a light so a bum can walk next to my really clean sled, probably getting it all dirty and such. Anyways, if some bum does this to you at a light, please think twice before giving him money. It will only encourage this abominable behavior.